Van Gogh’s Desperate Love and the Burning Lamp

Vincent van Gogh's early years were marked by a series of intense personal rejections. In 1881, while living in the Netherlands, he attempted to prove his devotion to his cousin by holding his hand over a burning lamp. This incident, documented in his correspondence, remains a notable example of the emotional struggles that characterized his personal life during the period he was beginning to dedicate himself to art.

The meeting at Etten In the summer of 1881, Vincent was living with his parents, Theodorus van Gogh and Anna van Gogh-Carbentus, in the town of Etten. During this time, his cousin Cornelia Adriana Vos-Stricker, known as Kee, came to stay with the family. Kee was a widow whose husband, Christiaan Paulus Vos, had died in 1878. She was traveling with her young son, Jan. Vincent confessed his love to her, but Kee responded with a firm rejection, stating, "no, nay, never" (nooit, neen, nimmer). Despite this refusal, Vincent remained convinced he could change her mind and refused to accept her answer as final.

A desperate gesture in Amsterdam In December 1881, Vincent traveled to Amsterdam to pursue Kee further. He visited the home of her father, Johannes Paulus Stricker, who was a clergyman and Vincent's uncle. The family remained firm in their stance that Vincent should stop his pursuit. During a visit to their house at Keizersgracht 701, Vincent made a desperate attempt to see her. He placed his hand in the flame of a burning lamp and told his relatives that he only wanted to see Kee for as long as he could keep his hand in the flame. They ended the demonstration by blowing out the lamp and told Vincent he would not be permitted to see her.

Social and family fallout The reaction from his relatives was negative. Vincent’s uncle described his continued pursuit of his cousin as "disgusting." This event created a significant divide between Vincent and his family, including his father, who was angry about Vincent's behavior and the conflict with the Strickers. The records indicate that Vincent’s persistence was viewed as a lack of consideration for the family’s wishes. This struggle highlights the ways in which Vincent clashed with the expectations of his parents and extended family during the early stages of his life as an artist.

Why it matters This story is significant because it illustrates the personal challenges Vincent van Gogh faced while living with his parents and pursuing his early interests. Long before he moved to France, he was navigating family turmoil and a sense of isolation. Following the incident at the Stricker home, Vincent’s relationship with his father deteriorated further, and he was eventually ordered to leave the house in Etten on Christmas Day 1881. Shortly after these events, Vincent moved to The Hague to seek instruction from the painter Anton Mauve, which allowed him to focus on his work away from his family.